I confess to feeling discouraged

Hello cherubs:

Okay we've heard the epithets, we've heard the sayings, we've heard the tired, worn out phrases: "it's tough out there, it is what it is, feel lucky that you have a job, well there are opportunities, you just have to look for them". Yup, we've heard all that.

The fact is I'm feeling discouraged and I have a job. My discouragement is interfering with my ability to add value to my organization. And I'm concerned about that, because if I don't add value, then truly, I will not survive in the organization. So what can I do about that?

Well, I can do a number of things. I can, as my friend Lou would say, make sure that I make the right "Choices" (the capitalization is his invention). I can choose to give up or I can choose to keep going. I can choose to add value or I can choose to be petulent. I can choose to have a voice, or to curl up within myself and not be present. I am trying to make the right choices. But I must say to you that it ain't easy.

It's demotivating to feel grateful that you are still employed. There is the survivor's guilt, the worry over friends and family that have lost their jobs, the concern over your own job, the worry that there are not enough resources to access to allow you to be a success. There's so much that it feels overwhelming sometimes. But I have some memories to sustain me.

When I was young, I was poor. I mean, really poor. But I didn't know that I was poor. I just woke up every morning, rose from my bed, showered, put on my leotard, went to class, went to rehearsal, did my performance and fell into bed after having washed out that very same leotard that I had to wear the next day, because I couldn't afford to have too many around. But I did not despair, or fret or worry. I was doing the work I loved. I didn't think about the "future". I just did my work. Sometimes, I had teaching work on top all of that and I rejoiced because it was extra income. My body was young and strong, and dare I say it, I was pretty. My muscles were in almost constant protest. Something always hurt. I never worried about that, it came with the territory. I actually felt that the pain I was feeling was a result of the hard work that I did and was actually a kind of benediction. Bills sometimes went unpaid. Retirement was an unknown concept. Taxes, oh well, one did what one could. I do regret that at that young age, I didn't pay more attention to taxes. I now pay attention to taxes.

But what this teaches you is that you've been there, and you could be there again, and guess what? You'd survive. You'd survive. Because you did then, and you will now. If I have to clean houses for a living again, I will. I can do almost anything. I have no shame. I can live I can cope. I have experience and education and above all, empathy. There will always be somebody worse off than I. Always!

So I leave you with that encouraging thought amid all the discouragement. Let us take as much heart as we can dearest cherubs. It's up to us. It's all about Choices.

Warmly and with love, Margaret