I have to say how I feel

Hi all who wish to follow:

I am cleaning my house. I am throwing my past into a dumpster. It is painful. It is incredibly painful. I was not really prepared for this pain.

Perhaps, it is because I have no way to know what the future brings. Perhaps, it is because I blame myself for many bad decisions. Perhaps, it is because I did not expect, personally, to be thrown into the dumpster. But yet, I was and I have been. I have been thrown into the dumpster myself, and it has merged with the pain of broken dishes, broken dreams, and a broken life.

However, I have not given up. I am still here. I still have wonderful friends, and colleauges, and many other gifts. There could be worse things. I'm sure there are worse things. But tonight, the pain is deep and gut wrenching and overwhelming. It is hard to be grateful for gifts, when you are facing your past in this way.

But dearest friends, I am still here, and this morning I awoke on the correct side of the ground. I have good friends who are helping me and for them I am grateful. But I must admit, my heart is broken. I did not think my heart could break like this, but it has and it will, and it continues to break.

How in the world I will survive this I do not know. But I will continue to try. I ask for your love and support. Warmly dear cherubs, and with lots of love, Margaret

It's a new post for a new time

Dearest cherubs:

I cannot know what to tell you. My life is what it is. But I surround myself with history, and that history speaks to me.

I am deeply moved by many things. I see things happening and I guess, I think that I think those are the things that should happen. Yet how can I know?


I simply accept, and yet, perhaps I should not. So I ask you all, perhaps you should not also. Don't just accept. Wonder why. Wonder why. I am wondering why. All my love to you dearest cherubs. M.