If you hope

My cherubs:


What can one say? The rain it comes. The bad news, it comes. But you have to keep on with the hope thing. Well, perhaps you don't have to, but it's advisable that you do.


Personally, I'm not sure to whom I'm talking when I send my thoughts elsewhere you know what I mean?


There's a wonderful book by Michael Shertlove called "Audition" in which he states that when actors ask questions of nobody, they are speaking to "he/she who must have all the answers".

So I am speaking to he/she who must have all the answers. You cast eyes upwards and do the best you can. I'm not exactly sure why you cast your eyes upwards, but I think one must to be sincere you see. At least that's the tradition.


Mostly, I want to hold my friend's hand and try to share the pain. Mostly, I am not in a position to do this. I'm working, or mothering, or exwifing, or roommateing, or something that causes me not to be in a position to be helpful. I try to remember during these times that this is not about me. This is about my friend. But still the guilt cuts deeply.


There is a painful but deeply real poem written by Robert Frost called "Out Out--" in which the last line is "And they, since they were not the one dead, turned to their affairs".



Sometimes, you are too close to things to write. And sometimes, you are too far away. But still one must hope.



Because after the worst happens, we will turn to our affairs. Because that's all we can do. We really have no other choice. We cannot go on and on about things that cannot be changed. I reach out as best I can and then, when the shit hits the fan, you just swallow, hug, weep, write poems, write blog entrys and wonder to yourself why, oh why does this shit happen?



Ah, this we wonder. Why? I do not expect to receive an answer. But hope, hope is eternal, ubitquitous, and present in our lives to keep us from attempting to end our lives in utter despair over that which cannot be changed.



She/he who must have the answers. Speak up, speak up dammit! I'm listening!



Bless you all cherubs most dear to me. M.

Just Start

Precious cherubs:

Do you think you can't accomplish what you set out to accomplish? Do you think you feel abused, down trodden, overlooked, underappreciated, unloved, ignored, wiped out?

Just start.

Do you think you can't get the thing done? Do you think there's nobody to support you? Do you think you are being handed a recipe for failure? Do you think there's somebody out to get you?

Just start.

Do you think that government sucks? Do you think that you are entitled to what you aren't getting? Do you think that the two-party systems is dysfunctional?

Just start.

I am now just in the most negative, fearful, frightening, and overwhelming part of my life that I have ever experienced in my 54 years. But here's the problem. I haven't started. This is MY fault, this is nobody else's fault. I am completely fearful and I have been giving into my fear.

Just start everybody. Just take one step, like the one I took in the doctor's office the other day. That's when I found out that I would be able to walk again, not soon, but not so very far away either.

Just start. How bad could it be? Could it be worse than what's going on now? I repeat this to myself often. I hope soon, I can find the courage to start.

Just start.

Warmly, Margaret