My problems with the holidays

Dearest cherubs:

It's not PC what I have to say. But I have a lot of problems with the holidays.

It is extremely difficult for me to just forgive and forget. I find, after much introspection, that I can do neither.

So, this year, I will not participate.

I resign.

I'm packing it in.

So this year, for the holidays I seek solitude. Complete and utter solitude.

What does this mean, you might ask.

This means the bell ringers go unanswered, the carols go unsung, the meals go unattended, the presents go unbought. The life goes on as if the holidays did not even exist.

I am finding some solace in this decision. But I also find that people feel sorry for me. I am wondering what kind of projection allows them to do so. For whom are they feeling sorry? For me? For themselves? For the myths? I am not sure.

But I also have to tell you, that is not a sad thing for me. My aloneness is not the same as lonliness. They are separate. Sometimes I am lonely. Sometimes, people teeming with family, are lonely. Sometimes people wish for the time to be alone, and they can never be. But I can.

I think the time to be alone with myself is something I have fought for all my life. And at no time other than the holidays is that more profound.

We are supposed to be making merry. But making merry means different things to different people. To me, making merry means being alone, quiet, or with one or two people. To me making merry means making merry with myself. I like me. I am a good person. I find, often, that I am the best person to tell myself that.

Best wishes for your own, self actualized, holiday celebrations.

Warmly and with love dear cherubs:

Margaret