It's a new post for a new time

Dearest cherubs:

I cannot know what to tell you. My life is what it is. But I surround myself with history, and that history speaks to me.

I am deeply moved by many things. I see things happening and I guess, I think that I think those are the things that should happen. Yet how can I know?


I simply accept, and yet, perhaps I should not. So I ask you all, perhaps you should not also. Don't just accept. Wonder why. Wonder why. I am wondering why. All my love to you dearest cherubs. M.

In the Sweet Spring

One must hope. And when you go outside, the twigs are greener. They cannot break, they only bend. Quietly they breeze their way through, but yet they cannot prevail. I must prevail. I have no way to really get there, but I ask for mercy. I want to go away soon. I want to go to warmth, and love and less judgement. But there is the reality, and the reality is that it is not there yet. Not yet.

Winter's Back Broken

Cherubs:

I have felt the sun's warmth on my face twice now, so I am hopeful that winter's back is broken. Why do think this? Here are the reasons:

1. I can see my driveway.
2. I can see parts of my backyard.
3. I feel that I can worry about things other than whether or not my house will stand up.
4. I have found time to see people and relax with people.
5. I am grateful to be alive.
6. I am grateful for my friends.

I guess that's my list. I guess it's the list of spring. I am grateful for everything. Winter makes a person grateful. But spring is a greater instigator in my humble opinion.

Lots of love cherubs.

This winter and what it teaches us

Cherubs:

It's been a toughie for those of us residing in the northern part of the USA. It's been a toughie for those of us residing in the southern part of the USA also.

The hard part is, when the storm comes up the coast from the south, we get bashed here in New England, we get bashed badly. And my humble little town is right in the path of the bashing.

So, because I am instructional designer and because I care about learning, I always ask this question -- "What can we learn from this?"

We learn about resiliance. Resiliance is a wonderful word, that describes our ability to cope, to persevere, to endure, to even improve. Yes, resiliance.

I have improved my ability to get up in the morning. Yes, contracting has improved that (no work, no pay) as well as my ability to say ok, this is what must be faced during the next storm.

I have improved my ability to think positively, "well perhaps this last storm will not crush my house", that kind of thinking.

I have improved my ability to understand what human beings can endure. And this brings me to my daughter who is enduring many things.

She is a young adult, and so needs my assistance to help her forward. This is an obligation all of us have who are parenting young adults. Remember, their world is not the same as our world of more than 30 years ago. We had no internet, we had no "social network" save that which we could experience in the eye, face to face. We had dances, dates, interactions, but not this kind of removed from direct interaction, ummm interaction.

We must adapt.

We must understand.

And Facebook, for me, has assisted me in doing that. Many of my highschool connections have now evolved into ummm for want of a better word "real people". We are compassionate, loving and caring. Our lives as human beings have caused us to be so. But we may not have been so back in high school. But we are now, and I guess that is all that matters. And we have rediscovered each other in this new state. How wonderful is that?

I am grateful to Mr. Zuckerman for this opportunity. And it also causes me to understand my daughter and her social connections. I am here for her, and I am here for you.

With all my love, from my wintery world.

Dearest cherubs. Goodnight.

The New Year

Dearest cherubs:

So, there are resolutions, and there are hopes and perhaps, even at my age, dreams.

Yes.

You know what I hate most about my life? Money. Money is always in the way. But I guess that's up to me. I guess I have to take care of business as they say. But what I want is enough money to stop the endless nagging worry that tears away at my bones every night. But I guess the question is, how much money is that?

Maybe I just have to stop the constant worry that I'm sure is shortening my life and just deal with things as they are. But I really have nobody to help me. And the truth is, I wouldn't want somebody to help me because the price is always too high. The price that you pay another person to be involved in your life, that price is very high. Perhaps, I can exchange the worry for not having to pay that price any more.

Perhaps that price is being paid as I speak. It's affordable. I am alone. The aloneness is good.

Happy New Year everybody.

In the silver of the night

In the silver of the night there sometimes is the smell of soup, and soap, and being on top of the ground.

When one's life changes like the energy or like the light that consumes us in winter with its lack.

We might weep, or we might laugh, or we might touch one another but in a sense not described until

The event occurs that is life changing that is temporal. Until the event occurs. Then we look out and see what we must see.

Like carving out a dinner, we see it. We might be aghast we did not see it coming like a truck. But we see it. We must appreciate the change. The change will speak to us. It will speak.

The Dad thing

Hey ya cherubs:

I have been missing my Dad. I am not exactly sure why. But I watched a film where the Dad figure was time traveling and popping in and out of the daughter's life. I guess, that's where I am now and where I was.

My Dad was always popping in and out of my life. He was there sometimes when I needed him and not there sometimes when I needed him.

Sometimes, my dreams include him and sometimes not. Sometimes I miss him so much and sometimes I don't even think of him.

I don't know what all this means. Daughters think about their dads. They just think about them in a way and you have to kind of accept it I guess. So there it is. I wish he could suddenly appear sometimes and fix stuff. He did appear at one time in my young life and pick up my stuff and make it all better. But he's gone now, and he can't fix stuff anymore. I sure wish he were here sometimes. He knew my daughter but not in her adulthood. She's a cool person in her adulthood and I kind of wish both my parents could have known her that way. I really like my kid in her young adulthood. I really like her. Dad, I miss you. I miss you so much.

Blessings upon you dear cherubs. Blessings upon you.

M.